EMPATHY HAS AN EDGE.

This photo was taken right before I was about to pop off on my doubles partner.Well—not actually.

But if you read my face, you might think that’s what was coming.

The truth?I’m just super competitive.Not in the “aww, you tried your best” kind of way.In the last-one-standing, don’t-come-for-me-unless-you’re-ready-to-lose kind of way.

And that energy? It’s often misunderstood.

I’m used to it now.The double takes.The “wow, you’re more intense than I expected.”The “I thought you were so nice…” followed by a slow fade when people realize I don’t always play the game the way they want me to.

Here’s where it gets messy: I am nice.I am empathetic.I do lead with warmth, curiosity, and human-first values. But I’m also strategic.Decisive.Unapologetically ambitious.And not particularly interested in softening to make other people comfortable.

That duality?It confuses people. 🙃

Because society—and let’s be real, many professional spaces—have trained us to see empathy and ambition as opposites.You’re either “the warm one” or “the closer.”The connector or the competitor.The smile or the edge.

But what if… we stopped forcing people into that binary?

The Psychology of Misreading

Research in social psychology tells us that we interpret others through our own lenses, not necessarily theirs. It’s called projection bias—where our expectations and past experiences color how we read a situation or a person.

So if someone grew up with the idea that empathy = passivity, or that ambition = aggression, someone like me—who’s both—can feel like a walking contradiction.

This is especially true for women, and even more so for women of color.The moment we show confidence, we’re “intimidating.”The moment we assert boundaries, we’re “difficult.”The moment we compete without apologizing, we’re “too much.”

So what do many of us do?We try to fix our face.Shrink our tone.Package ourselves in a way that makes others feel safe—even when it makes us feel split.

I stopped doing that. That capacity expired in November.

You Can Be Both

You can be deeply empathetic and deadly focused.You can love people and still want to win.You can coach others through fear while holding yourself to sky-high standards.

And the kicker?That combination might actually be your greatest asset.

Studies have shown that empathy enhances leadership—leaders who express genuine care for others tend to have higher-performing teams.At the same time, competitiveness correlates with achievement—it pushes us to reach higher, challenge systems, and innovate faster.

So no, empathy doesn’t cancel ambition.It actually refines it.

For the Misread, the Misjudged, the Multi-Faceted

This post is for the ones who’ve been underestimated.The ones who got labeled “soft” when they were calculating.The ones who got overlooked in the meeting, but built the whole damn strategy.

The ones who smile and slay.Who nurture and negotiate.Who refuse to pick between compassion and edge—because they already know that empathy is its own kind of weapon.

So here’s your reminder:

People perceive what makes them comfortable, not what makes you whole.So you have to be whole anyway.

You don’t owe anyone a simplified version of yourself.You don’t need to shrink your edge to highlight your heart.And you absolutely don’t have to choose between being liked and being you.

Because this world doesn’t need more palatable people.It needs more whole ones.