YOUR RELATiONSHiP iS STUCK iN AN OLD CONVERSATiON.

You ever notice how we wait on everything—A fresh Monday.A change in season.A motivational meme on a national holiday that shows up every year saying the exact same thing?

We treat “starting” like it needs to be scheduled.But here’s the truth: you don’t wait on what matters most.

Unless that “what” is you.

When Growth Outpaces Communication

Whether you’re building a life or a business with someone, here’s the reality no one preps you for:If your communication doesn’t evolve as you do, you’ll end up speaking to a version of someone who doesn’t exist anymore.

And that includes you.You’re not who you were three months ago, and neither is the person you’ve partnered with—romantically or professionally. But if you’re still communicating with each other like it’s Day 1, Month 3, or Year 5—without adjusting for what’s changed—you’re running outdated software. And we all know what happens with old software: crashes, glitches, and system errors that didn’t need to happen.

The Shift You’re Probably Avoiding

In working with founders, couples, and people leading together under pressure, I’ve seen one communication misstep show up again and again.It’s sneaky.It feels like responsibility.But it’s actually creating distance.

Let’s call it what it is:

Clarity Hoarding

This is when one (or both) people in the partnership make a habit of:

• Processing everything internally,

• Working through challenges in their heads, and then

• Announcing decisions after they’ve already been made.

(You’re nodding, aren’t you?)

Here’s the problem with that:Thinking something through silently doesn’t count as keeping someone in the loop.You can’t expect to move in sync with your partner if you’re the only one with the map.

And no—this isn’t just about “communicating more.”It’s about unlearning the idea that withholding clarity is a sign of leadership or maturity.

Clarity isn’t power. It’s alignment.

What the Research Says (Because You Know I Came With Receipts)

According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the most influential researchers in the field of relationships, the strongest partnerships (romantic or professional) are built on “shared meaning systems.” That means both people understand not just the what, but the why behind decisions, priorities, and vision.

A 2020 study published in the Journal of Communication found that “high mutuality in decision-making” was strongly correlated with long-term satisfaction in both co-founder and romantic partnerships. Translation? Making moves together > making moves alone and then looping them in after the fact. In business? Harvard Business Review has repeatedly flagged communication misalignment as a top reason why startup partnerships break down. And the top symptom? One founder “holding the vision” while the other is left guessing—or worse—reacting.

Sound familiar?

Why We Hoard Clarity in the First Place

If you grew up in a household or work culture where being “independent” was praised, you likely learned that processing out loud was a burden. You might’ve internalized the idea that "I’ll bring it up when it’s fully baked" is being responsible.

But in close partnerships, that approach can actually feel like exclusion.

Because clarity hoarding doesn’t just limit alignment—it erodes trust. When one person is always playing catch-up, it creates a power imbalance that’s subtle but exhausting.

This is especially true for co-founders and couples who’ve evolved fast: one of you may have already shifted priorities, changed your beliefs, or redefined success—and never said it out loud.

So What Do You Do?

Start simple:

1. Bring them into the process, not just the outcome. Let the people you build with see your “under construction” thoughts—not just the grand reveal.

2. Ask, don’t assume. What do they need more clarity on? What are they holding in?

3. Schedule check-ins that aren’t crisis-based. Don’t wait until the wheels fall off to talk about where you’re going.

The biggest misconception is that alignment happens once.It doesn’t. It’s continuous. And it requires updates—like any map.

TL;DR?

If you’re building something big—whether it’s a business, a marriage, or a mission—communication can’t be stuck in last season. You’ve got to update the dialogue to match who you both are now, not who you were when you started.

Stop waiting.Start talking.And if you’re ready to shift from survival-mode communication to rooted, aligned expression—let’s work.

I help people unlearn the polished, performance-based ways of communicating they were

taught—so they can lead with truth, clarity, and connection.

You’ve already grown. Now speak like it. Book with me today.